Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
By Dr. Travis Hiles, MD
It’s not easy to be a physician in the present healthcare environment in the USA.
As a board-certified anesthesiologist for the last twenty years, it has been a constant struggle. The worst part I did not realize this until the last year: that I have diminished my accomplishments, and I blame the health care environment where I have practiced.
In this article, I will explain the impact this has had on me personally and shed light on the issue in a way that you as the reader — and likely, many other physicians — can relate to.
Residency to reality: Why “enough” never felt like enough
When I graduated from residency in 2007, I felt like I was ready to help ease patient’s pain and safely guide them through one of the most stressful (emotionally and physically) moments in one’s life, surgery. I thought I was well prepared for what was ahead of me.
But from the start, even though I was saving lives, easing pain and performing safe anesthesia was not enough. What I kept hearing was “your patient was a few minutes late to the OR” or “that medicine might be safer, but it costs too much.” This constant feeling of roadblocks placed between myself and quality care alongside the feeling of “you are not doing enough” started to affect me negatively. Again, I was not cognizant of this as the years went on. I just keep my head down and kept working.
After a while, I think I was starting to believe subconsciously that maybe I was not doing enough or able to make positive changes to help my patients. This led me to ultimately start to diminish my accomplishments as a physician, and these feelings led me to become irritable both at home and at work. I started to feel more disrespected within my practice and hospital.
The wake-up call: When my daughter noticed I was struggling
There were occasions where I would be abrupt in meetings to compensate for these feelings of disrespect. I would come home and tell my wife stories about my day, and I would get very angry and emotional. I recall one occasion when it finally hit me. My teenage daughter heard me tell one of these stories, and even she was very concerned about why I was so emotional. It was at that point I came to the realization that I’m struggling, and I didn’t like how I was feeling. I sought out help for “anger management.” There, I learned about the negative effects of the healthcare environment and the feelings that ultimately led me to diminish my accomplishments.
Why do anesthesiologists feel undervalued in healthcare?
I don’t know if diminishing one’s accomplishments is unique to an anesthesiologist. Sometimes anesthesiologists are treated like a widget or a necessary evil within a health care system. Anesthesiologists don’t bring in money to a health system like proceduralists or surgeons, so therefore we are often looked at like an expense. Surgeries and procedures make money for a health system, but we are the people who allow all the procedures and surgeries to happen safely and efficiently. Without the very high-quality care an anesthesiologist provides, no surgery or procedure would be performed.
That being said, I’m pretty sure most medical specialties are, or have been, treated poorly within the present health care environment. And these same feelings of diminishing one’s accomplishments can happen to you, too.
I want other physicians to know they are not alone.
How I learned to stop diminishing my accomplishments as a physician
The important question is, what can be done? I’m not saying physicians need to walk about the hospital wearing a sign that says, “look at me, I’m a physician.”
We just want to take care of our patients in the best and safest way possible. I know I do.
If you are having these feelings as I did, then seek out someone to talk to. I know there are mental health specialists in every town and hospital in this country. There are plenty of avenues you can pursue to figure out ways to cope with your emotions. Not every one will work for you, but keep trying, because you are worth it and a tremendous physician. We are past the days where physicians must suffer in silence.
I personally learned a couple of simple things to combat allowing yourself to diminish your accomplishments
- Get out your diplomas and hang them up.
- When a signature is required, end your signature with a “MD” or “DO”
Personally, those were very easy ways to remind myself of my hard work and accomplishments.
Lastly, connect with physicians who feel the same way. Talking about it can help to build resilience, and this is where physician communities—even online ones like Sermo—can be of great benefit.
This article reflects the personal experiences and perspectives of the author. The views and opinions expressed are their own and do not necessarily represent the views, positions, or policies of Sermo.
