Doctor Curmudgeon Battles Paperwork

Doctor Curmudgeon, Halloween humor

Doctor Curmudgeon has a lot “on her plate.”

Patients to see.

Forms to fill out.

Phone calls to make.

Emergencies to handle.

She tries to organize, to keep her desk neat.  She is in a losing battle. By nature, the good (and possibly messy) doctor finds her organizational skills lacking.

However, she keeps up the good fight.

Periodically, she tosses items to the shredder, to the circular file.

Seeing a clear area on her desk, she feels so good about herself.

And then, she leaves for the night.

Forgetting her mobile phone, she returns to the office and tiptoes…because it is dark and she always tiptoes in the dark.


8 PM.

The office is locked.

The alarm is turned on.

The office manager’s desk is neat.

Tomorrow’s charts are stacked neatly.

The front desk is pretty neat.

The lab area is clean and neat.

The break room is neat.

Coffee maker is ready to be turned on by the first person arriving in the morning.

My partner’s desk is neat.

And then there is a gentle rustling.

Possibly a paper giggle or two.

A lonely paper slides out from under the office manager’s door.

It quickly glides through the half open door to my office.

It leaps upon my chair, somehow managing to dump some ink on the seat.

Then, suddenly more papers appear.

They spread over the desk in a disorderly fashion.

They come together and they multiply.

Ye Gads! Those papers are procreating!


I will leave condoms and birth control pills scattered around my desk.

Maybe they will take the hint.

But then again, I have heard of ”The animosity of Inanimate Objects!”

What do you do with the papers?

I am despondent.

I am hopelessly enmired as the papers and paper clips grow in number, causing my desk to groan with the weight.

And in the background, a witch’s cackle becomes louder as she approaches and orders me to

Set fire to your whole desk!

Heh! Heh!

That is your only chance

It is futile to resist

Halloween approaches!



Diane Batshaw EismanDoctor Curmudgeon is Diane Batshaw Eisman MD, FAAFP, a Family Physician, writer, voiceover artist, and medical educator. It was in the Neolithic Era that the doctor became renowned for expertise in Trephination. After so much time in practice, Doctor Curmudgeon is now cranky and has rightfully earned the honorific of “Curmudgeon.”

Doctor Curmudgeon has no idea of what will appear in this space. It depends on the Good Doctor’s mood and whatever shamans and doctors are channeled at the moment.

As a curmudgeon, I may stray from what I observe happening in medicine and slink into other areas. But that is the prerogative of a Curmudgeon.  Please check out my first book, “No Such Agency.”